Written by Mark Driskill:
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Dear God, In your word it says, “and he died for all that they who live should no longer live for themselves, but for him who died for them and rose again.” But I have not yet learned to live for you instead of me. I have to confess that after years of walking in your blessing and grace I am still desperately self-centered. I want you to make me comfortable, popular and safe from harm. I want to be applauded and promoted by man and rewarded for my acts of humility. I want to be adored by my wife, honored by my children, revered by my church, and admired by my community. Then in the end I want you to tell me, “well done.”
When I pray, I pray for the things that concern me and touch me personally. I pray intensely for your blessing on my sermons and lessons, but not for the preacher across town. I beg you for healing for those people who are dear to me, but my prayers cool off to mere mumblings when it’s time to pray for those outside of my personal circle. I want you to bless everyone, but me first. I ask you to bless America, but not Syria, Iran, or North Korea.
I ask for your name to be glorified in my life, unless of course that means that I have to suffer or do without something I really want. I have been very careful to repent of my sins….except the ones I enjoy the most. I choose rather to keep the struggle going for just a little longer in those cases. I plan to repent of those one day when I no longer feel a desire for them or they become uncomfortable for me.
I’m glad to give a little offering to the missionaries. It makes me feel good to pay someone else to go into all the world so I can stay home and pursue a calling that is more conducive to my personal ambitions. After all I believe down deep that all you really want is for me to be happy and content. If others must suffer for your sake thats fine with me. I love the feeling I get when I hear the inspiring stories of others who suffering and serving in my place. The lump in my throat and the tears brimming feels really good for me. I feel a bit sanctified when I can get all emotional about that sort of thing. I love calling you Lord, Lord, while I look for creative ways to avoid your commands.
Maybe one day I will decide to get off my pew and do something with my Christianity. Maybe one day I will figure out that you were serious when you said I have to die to my self in order to live for you. But until then I will continue to entertain myself in my well insulated Christian bubble with all my Christian accessories, and theologically astute friends. I want to do your will but right now it feels so good swiming around in my hot tub of grace. I just want to soak a little longer. Lord of all the things I need to be saved from the greatest is ME. I need you to save me from me.
Amen.
Pastor Mark Driskill
Web Minister of Begotten by the Word web ministry
See our website at http://ourchurch.com/member/b/bbtw
and www.facebook.com (to group “Begotten by the Word”)
Begotten by the word is a ministry of Helping Hands Christian resources-Evangelism Outreach www.hhcr05.org
(Feel free to copy in any way that will bring glory to God and further his kingdom.)
Contact information:
Email: driskill@hilbillymail.com
Facebook: Mark Driskill
Address: PO Box 1159 Jackson KY.
